Tuesday, May 25, 2010

It all comes to a close

I have an announcement.

After six months of searching, countless hours spent combing job search sites, and dozens of applications sent without any response, I HAVE A JOB.

That’s right---Jessica Davis---Career Assistant and pseudo-professional job searcher, is employed.

When I got the phone call, I began hopping in the middle of Academic Row. Mature, I know. Considering how shocked and surprised I was, hopping seemed like the only good response. I quickly remembered that someone else was on the phone and I managed to find some semblance of a response.

So naturally, I called my Dad. He didn’t answer. Next? My mother. And of course, she was on an airplane coming to Allentown for my graduation. And the next set of people who have been anxiously waiting for something, anything, to materialize were my bosses in the Career Center. I could think of no better people to share my news with. They had listened to every concern, discussed every disappointing response (or lack there of) and have truly made this whole journey somewhat bearable. So as an aside, thank you Cailin, Alana and Laura for everything this past semester. I would not have made it out alive without your constant support and unending professional pearls of wisdom.

When asked by my friends, I was ecstatic and I was “most likely” going to accept this position. I mean, it only made sense. I had invested so much of myself into this position. My entire family has called this particular institution their alma mater. I had made it my goal Spring Semester to graduate with a job and I had one---but a large part of me was hesitating to accept. I began to think—and if anybody knows me, they know that I get in trouble when I start to over think and assess situations. One of my biggest flaws is being paralyzed by fear and soon my body (and rational thought process) began to freeze up.

You see, I am also interviewing for this same position at another University. And part of me on a very proud level, wanted to pursue this position because I had done it all on my own—no endorsements, no phone calls. But the one small detail I am forgetting is that they have yet to actually offer me a job. All I am doing is interviewing, all I am told is that they are “very interested” and even yet, their time frame does not line up with mine. It would be unconscionable and stupid to hold out on the first job in order to pursue a “maybe”. I would have to sacrifice a job—MY job that I had worked so hard to attain—for a position that I may not even be offered. It would be one thing if I was deciding between two job offers, but the reality of my situation was, I had one job offer and one that maybe-sort of-kind of could pan out. If I was on the outside looking at somebody else in this situation, I would smack them and tell them to stop being stupid. But I am very much on the inside and at this moment, very much unsure.

And thus begins my paralysis. Frightened by having to start work in July and make a move to a city where I basically know not a soul, I began to hold the second position as superior to the first. And just to be clear, when pulled up on the employment website, they are near identical. With the sage advice from my father, I began to construct a pro-con list so to outline the different strengths and weaknesses of each job. As I began to construct it, I quickly realized that there were far fewer cons for the first position than I had anticipated.

In an interesting parallel of events, I feel like committing to a job is like committing to college all over again. I vividly remember sitting at my college counselor’s dining room table, my pro-con sheet in front of me, crying. No words. No thoughts. Just tears. I so badly wanted to go to George Washington University, but I felt like I wasn’t ready for a metropolitan city. Another part of me was magnetically drawn to the University of Denver, a campus that I had fallen in love with and gotten a substantial amount of money from. But when I went to visit on the Admitted Students Day, something was irking me and I had an uncomfortable and unshakeable feeling. And lastly, there was Muhlenberg, a campus that unbeknownst to me, I had fallen in love with. With an ultimatum and a blank check in hand, I took a leap and scribbled Muhlenberg College in to “To” line.

I never looked back. On Sunday, I walked across the stage set on the College Green and received my diploma from a school that had helped me grow into the person that I am today. Because of Muhlenberg I discovered an educational path I was passionate about, a sorority, an a cappella group, a circle of friends I wouldn’t trade for the world and a wonderful office to which I went to work. Because of Muhlenberg, I have learned (although I often forget) not to question my heart and my initial feelings. I have learned to trust what I feel and despite how difficult a situation may be, not to back out.

And now I find myself feeling as if I was 18 years old again---scared and unsure but deep down aware of the decision to be made. I know in my heart that the right, and rational thing to do, is to accept the first job offered to me. I am not accepting it because it is simply a job or because it was the first one offered. I am accepting it because it is an incredible opportunity for me a grow and learn professionally, regardless of the city I am in. I am accepting this job because I have earned it, not because it was handed to me. And lastly, I am accepting this job because there is no guarantee that the other position will even be an option. This may be my first job but it certainly will not be my last.

My family waited 18 years for me to say it, but I migrated up north and proudly became a Mule. They then waited for my sister to continue the legacy, but she only screams “Go blue!”. So now, twenty one years later, I can make my family and myself proud, by going to work for the University of Florida, bleed orange and blue and finally chant, “I said it’s great to be a Florida Gator”.